How do I know when I'm overthinking or ruminating?

It’s good to honor our thoughts and feelings. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can take ownership of and authority over them. We want to be thoughtful about our actions instead of letting emotions and perceptions dictate our behaviors.

But when do I cross into overthinking? When am I spending too much of my time and energy on these thoughts and emotions? 

1. Let’s deal with facts. You might be noticing how you feel about a situation. Notice what else is true and real about it. Are you thinking about what “might” be, what “could” be, or “what ifs”? Are you envisioning, dreaming, or scheming? What is real and true that you would like to put your energy into instead? For instance, let’s say your friend’s child had a emergency medical situation and needed to be hospitalized. She’s telling you this story, and you’re envisioning all the scary parts of the story and really entering into it (empathy is connecting, after all!). Then you start to envision what you would do in that situation and how you would feel. Fear, anxiety, sadness or even panic start to grip you. Maybe you’d rather put your energy into celebrating how your friend was able to pause and manage the situation. Maybe you honor their ability to think clearly in the moment to get their child help. That’s putting your energy into celebrating reality instead of putting your energy into processing “what if” emotions.

   
   

2. Use scaling. I was seeing a physical therapist for a specific injury and as I was recovering and beginning to add back in activity, she told me that if the exercise increased my pain by 1-2 points on a 10-point scale, I could keep doing it. Any more than that and I should stop doing it and talk with her about it. So if my injury is feeling like a 3, and an exercise makes it feel like a 4 or a 5, I can keep doing it. If it increases my pain to a 6 or 7 or more, I need to pause and listen to my body. If you were to quantify your emotional state and a real and actual situation takes your emotions more than 2 points higher, those emotions may need some time and attention. But if they’re within that 2 points, you likely can continue about your day.
   

3. Spend some time listening to your body, and not just your thoughts or emotions. What is your body telling you? Are you tired? Hungry or thirsty? In pain? Experiencing low blood sugar? When our body isn’t cared for, it can affect and exacerbate our difficult thoughts and emotions. Listen to your body and give it attention just as much as you give your thoughts attention.
   

4. Do I need to practice acceptance? When we don’t like an outcome we might go over and over the situation in our heads, spending unnecessary energy fighting reality. When you find yourself going over and over a scenario in your head, ask yourself how much you’ve accepted it on a scale from 0-5. And consider what someone at a 5 in acceptance might be thinking, feeling, saying or doing. Practice those specific things to help you accept the reality.
   

5. If you feel that your thoughts, feelings or emotions have more control over you than you’d like, or you feel stuck in them, working with a therapist might be the next necessary tool and can be positively impactful.